My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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