the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
