whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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