You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
