hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
