I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
