what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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