Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
