This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
