he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
