hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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