well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
