I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
