Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
