Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I want a musical about memes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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