i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
