when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
