ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
