also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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