I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
well I can't set my house on fire every night
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
