There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
