i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
