God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
