i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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