don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
