That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
