u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
