i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Randomize
