Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
