and i looked up. we had an audience...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
