he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
