I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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