I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
