A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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