Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
