there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
