my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
