i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
