I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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