but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
