Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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