my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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