How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
