he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
