It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
