We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
