It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
