YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
