Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
