So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
