I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
