Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
