I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
