we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
