Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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