If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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